You guys,
I hate opening mail.
It’s usually junk I have to shred so my identity can’t be stolen. Annoying! Or it’s a bill I’ve already been notified about online because it’s 2022 and why are you even sending me this.
So when Sam asked if he could open my mail that had been sitting on the kitchen table for days, I told him sure.
He gasped as he read its contents. It was a $564 traffic fine from the Beverly Hills Courthouse dating back to 2013.
See?! Yet another reason I don’t open mail.
I thought back to my LA days. My level of responsible-adult-person was at an all-time low, but still. I paid my traffic tickets. (As long as I remembered, which, okay fine, sometimes I forgot.)
I called the number to ask for details and the news worsened. The fine was for a BIKE TICKET.
It’s kind of hard to forget being pulled over by an actual policeman in a police car while riding my BIKE.
I had just bought my spiffy new beach cruiser (which would later get stolen, another story of my idiocy) off Craigslist and rode it every day from my Venice Beach closet to the bar I worked at in Santa Monica. This cop pulled a U-turn, turned on his flashers and I was like, “Uhhh… Me?!”
I hadn’t been a bike rider for very long and didn’t know I couldn’t ride without a bike light. I just knew my ride to and from work was well-lit and there were sidewalks the whole way.
Should I have considered myself lucky that I didn’t get a DUI? Possibly. There’s a good chance I was two glasses of wine deep. Maybe even a shot or two of Jameson. I can’t remember. But still, why am I just now receiving this fine?
I called the number, planning to pay the fine because I wanted to rid myself of this reminder of my past irresponsible self.
But I couldn’t do it. Not for a bike light.
I set a video court date for January. I’ll probably still have to pay it, but I will revel in the opportunity to dramatically tell whoever is on the receiving end of this call, “I’m being charged $564 because I didn’t have a BIKE LIGHT.”
Bleecker Bombs
Sam and I are back with a new podcast episode!
We talk about hiring a nanny, a trip to Miami, and our new revelation that alcohol is poison.
Listen to the episode on Spotify, overcast.fm, or Apple Podcasts.
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Until next week,
Charlie
Can't wait to see the outcome of your bike light ticket saga!! Ah yes, the quintessential LA cruiser. I remember being a new transfer at USC and admiring everyone who had them...
If it makes you feel any better, this isn't the worst bike ticket story I've heard. In high school, one of my friends did get a DUI on his bike. For 18 months, I had to drive his ass everywhere.