Hey folks,
I’m having a baby in less than two months. Top of the agenda right now is creating a birth plan, which is an outline of my preferences during labor and delivery.
To be perfectly honest, I’m frustrated. I hired a doula because I wanted to feel prepared and empowered. Instead, the doula says one thing and the doctor says literally the opposite thing. I think of both of them as experts, so I’m left confused.
Here’s an example: the doula sent us links about perineal massage. This is a vaginal massage that either I can do to myself or Sam can do to me in the weeks leading up to the birth. Sam read about it in his book, The Birth Partner, and we watched a YouTube video about it. The doula told me to check with the doctor about when we should start.
I asked my doctor and she gave me a hard, “No. Your body will naturally do what it needs to do. Perineal massage doesn’t help and it poses a risk for tearing.”
Insert image of me throwing all my notes into the air and walking out of the office.
I mean, really, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?
Then came the icing on the cake. My friend Amy recently had her first baby. She told me, “The birth plan felt very important pre-birth. We had a plan and then it all seemed to go to shit. When we got to the hospital I didn’t even remember or care to show our birth plan to anyone.”
Great. Okay, here’s my birth plan:
I would very much prefer to have a natural birth. If everything is progressing normally and the baby and I are not in any danger, kindly leave us alone until we need you for when he is actually coming out of my vagina. If anything is not normal, please include me in the conversation and present me with options. Finally, if something goes wrong, please step in and do what’s necessary for a safe birth for baby and Mom. Thank you so much. I appreciate you all being supportive and nurturing during this process that feels impossible to prepare for.
Blog of the Week
I have a shitty relationship with my brother. It sucks that we don’t get along and I’m jealous of siblings who do.
I wrote an essay about sibling rivalry and how to instill a loving relationship among my own kids. [Read the post here.]
Write of Passage
Big news: I will be one of seven mentors in the upcoming Write of Passage cohort that starts tomorrow!
The coolest thing about our role as mentors is that it was only a short time ago that we were exactly where the current students are now, so our insight is fresh and relatable.
I am most looking forward to expanding my online community with even more peers and helping fellow writers get as much joy from writing online that I have gotten in these past five months.
If you signed up for the course, don’t hesitate to reach out! I’d love to connect with you.
Reading is Magic
The summer before 4th grade was the first time I ever sobbed while reading a book.
It was nighttime and I was sitting on my bed reading Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls. The book was almost over and not one but TWO dogs had died and I completely lost it. The story had consumed me so much that I wasn’t even aware of my Dad standing at my bedroom door with a look of concern on his face. He asked me what was wrong.
It took me a few seconds to come back to Earth, as if waking from a dream. Still crying, I told him that Old Dan and Little Ann died. It didn’t register immediately with my Dad but then he got it. “You’re crying like that because of the book you’re reading?”
I shook my head yes and my Dad looked relieved. I couldn’t believe how much the book had affected me. It had transported me to another world and was the first time I discovered the magic of books. I was hooked.
What was the first book that transported you to another place?
Zoom Struggles
Of everything I need to prepare for as a mentor, the thing I’m most nervous about is leading an actual Zoom meeting. I get a little overwhelmed using technology in general, but most recently I haven’t been able to change my display name from my real name to my pseudonym.
On my weekly Saturday Zoom call with fellow Write of Passage alumni, I asked the group, “How do I permanently change my display name?”
My friend Adam responded, “Did you Google it?”
Thanks, Adam.
I get this same response from my husband when I ask him a question, and every time I feel equally annoyed and stupid at the same time.
As we’ve given more thought to various homeschooling lessons for our son, one we’d definitely like to incorporate is: How to Google. It’s a powerful skill that can develop over time. A skill that I have clearly not mastered yet.
I always hated when I asked my parents a question and they responded, “Look it up.” When my son asks me a question I want to say, “Let’s find out together.”
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Until next week,
Charlie