You guys,
I’m quick to judge others. It’s a reflex.
We hired a father-son handyman duo — Rick Sr. and Rick Jr. — to work on a few small projects in our house. Super friendly guys who, once they’re in your home for more than a few hours, start bickering and make sarcastic digs at each other. They say things like, “Wowwww great job, genius,” and “You really know what you’re doing, don’t you?”
I found myself whispering to Sam behind closed doors, “Did you hear what they said to each other? Awkward!”
Last week Sam and I were in the front yard putting up Christmas lights and the handyman duo was across the street working on our neighbor’s house. I pulled up my trusty Apple note to see exactly how many strings of light we needed and how we put them up last year.
I told Sam, “We need five strings per column.”
Sam looked down at the bunches of white lights at our feet.
Sam: “We don’t have enough for five strings per column.”
Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, these are my notes.”
Sam: “Well your notes are shit.”
Apparently, we spoke loud enough to be heard across the street.
“Hey Sam, you feelin’ that Christmas spirit today?”
It was Rick Sr.
Sam laughed and Rick Jr. piped in, “I haven’t done mine. I told my girlfriend I’ll do it on my off day. So maybe next Christmas.”
We exchanged pleasantries and the handyman duo went back inside our neighbor’s house.
I can only imagine what was said when they got inside. Did you hear what they said to each other? Awkward!
There’s nothing like a good ol’ dose of the pot calling the kettle black. Sam and I had some hearty Christmas-spirited laughs as we finished hanging our lights. And I decided the Ricks weren’t horrible to each other, they just spent a lot of time together.
A Christmas Rant
You know what pisses me off during this holiday season of peace and goodwill?
Christmas ornament stands.
Why would I need something to hang my ornament on when I have a TREE in my living room?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because Christmas ornaments aren’t what they used to be. They used to be dainty. You could toss an ornament on your tree like tinsel. Now they’re the size of my head and as heavy as a bowling ball. So even if you do find space on your tree for that monstrosity, there’s no way its branches can support the weight of it.
My mom bought me a beautiful snow globe ornament of the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. The Liberty Bell means didley-squat to me but people from South Jersey like to say they’re from Philly because they think it will make them sound cooler than they are. Each year, I open the Liberty Bell ornament from its fancy padded lavender box and stare at it before deciding it’s too big and too heavy for the tree. Then I put it back in its purple coffin and pack it away for another year.
What is even the point??
I’m taking a stand on ornament stands. If an ornament can’t hang on a Christmas tree I don’t want it.
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Until next week,
Charlie
haha how many strings did you wind up using?
With you on the 'ornaments have to be the right size for the tree, and only the tree' stance!