You guys,
We drove in stubborn silence for most of the car ride. As we neared the airport I realized I’d better say something, or else we might part ways without speaking at all.
I felt different than I normally felt after a few days-long argument. Normally at this point, I was ready to forgive and move on.
Nick interrupted my thoughts:
“I don’t want to go home and be in a fight with you.”
“I don’t either.”
It was my automatic response. I didn’t want to be in a fight with him. I wasn’t even angry anymore.
“I know I messed up and I’m working on it. I already apologized, Charlie, I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“I know you did.”
He did apologize and he meant it. But it was the same old story for eight long years. Nick got drunk and turned into a different person, his eyes no longer the innocent, puppy dog brown I fell in love with. They were black. And scary.
“Charlie, I want to be with you. I want us to be together and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”
I stared straight ahead, my hands on the wheel. Nick just told me he would do anything for us to stay together. And I had nothing to say back.
What was this feeling I was feeling? I was no longer angry with Nick, but his words weren’t softening me in the way they usually did.
He raised his voice.
“Look, you need to figure this shit out, Charlie.”
My thoughts swirled in my head. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what to say. I pulled into departures and put the car in park. Nick was yelling now.
“IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME, YOU BETTER NOT BE IN OUR FUCKING APARTMENT WHEN I GET BACK.”
He slammed the car door and hoisted his bag over his shoulder as he stormed off, as if late for his flight.
I finally realized what I was feeling. I was ready to forgive and move on, but this time, without him.
I had no idea it would be the last time I ever saw Nick.
Bleecker Bombs
A new memoir deep dive is out!
I read a beautiful book called Crying In H Mart by Michelle Zauner.
Listen to the episode on overcast.fm, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Google Podcasts.
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Until next week,
Charlie
WOAHH that ending. Was like. Woah. I'm glad this was goodbye. Damn...
man that ending shook me