Hey folks,
My mom sat in Sam’s chair at the dinner table.
Even though there’s just two of us, Sam and I always sit in the same seats.
On the first night of my mom and sister’s visit, Sam and I set the table and clearly marked our places with our Yeti water bottles (anyone else solely drink out of a water bottle these days?).
On the second night, Mom moved Sam’s water bottle - which was by his seat - to another seat, and took his spot.
Sam was bewildered. Why would she take his seat? But he said nothing.
Mom then sat in Sam’s seat for the rest of the trip and every single night, Sam got more and more pissed.
This would have been a minor infraction if it was this and this alone, but little passive aggressive moves by my mother had been occurring all week. It seems like a silly, minor thing to sit in someone’s seat. But the house was tense, and there were a lot of little things compounding to make this feel like a big deal.
If Sam had said something immediately it could have been squashed. But the more time that went on the more difficult it was to bring it up. So he said nothing and I said nothing and every time Mom sat there I could see steam coming out of Sam’s ears.
Why is it so difficult to address things head on with our parents and in-laws??
Blog of the Week
I realized something. I use my newsletter to vent and rant to you guys. Then I collect my thoughts and try to grow from it by writing my essays.
So last week I bitched about my Mom wearing shoes in our house. This week I not only wrote about setting boundaries, I had to actually set a boundary. It was scary. [Read the post here.]
Level Up
Fellow Write of Passage alumni Robbie Crabtree is about to launch his Performative Speaking course.
No matter what your job or ambition or goals, there’s not a single one of us who wouldn’t benefit from this skill.
Performative speaking isn’t just for speeches and stages. It’s also for conversations and interviews. It can be used for literally any interaction with another person.
Robbie is extremely passionate and knowledgeable when it comes to speaking tools and techniques. I’m a huge fan.
There’s still time to enroll in the 5-week course that begins on October 19. Learn more here.
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Until next week,
Charlie
"Why is it so difficult to address things head on with our parents and in-laws??"
The way I see it we conflate love and agreement. We can deeply love someone and disagree wholeheartedly. The presence (or not) of one doesn't need to have a bearing on the other.