Hi all!
Writing under a pseudonym gives me the freedom to write about personal stuff that I otherwise wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing. So when I have an argument with my sister - which happened this week - I can share it with you in the hopes of learning and growing from it.
It was a stupid fight that I’m embarrassed to talk about, so here goes:
My sister and I played field hockey together in high school and college. Currently, Stephanie is the Varsity head field hockey coach at our high school alma mater and recently had the assignment of putting together an All-Time All-Star team.
She put herself on the team and not me, which was complete bullshit. It made me want to get out on the field and take her 1v1 immediately.
Instead, I had to sit with my feelings, and I hate sitting with my feelings. When I’m mad I want to drink. When I’m sad I want to eat dessert. When I’ve got no ideas left to write I want to go on Twitter. I always try to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Here’s what I felt:
Angry - How dare she not put me on the team?
Hurt - I can’t believe she thinks so little of me.
Embarrassed - Why am I making such a big deal out of this??
Defensive - It is a big deal! She picked herself and three other players over me!
We’re talking about how good a field hockey player I was in high school. Why does it matter so much?? After asking myself this question numerous times, I was able to answer:
It doesn’t matter at all.
Yes, it’s a bummer Stephanie feels that way, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about myself as an athlete. The inner scorecard is difficult to navigate. I’m getting better at it, but I’m easily triggered by family members because I never feel good enough around them. I always feel like I need to prove my worth.
So how to move forward? No one in my family talks about our feelings. There is never sadness and hurt - only anger and resentment. We yell and point fingers and then we just get over it and move on.
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Almost 24 hours later, I call Stephanie. She does apologize for hurting my feelings but stands by her choices and that stings, to say the least. I tell her, “You’re allowed to have a different opinion than me. I can’t be mad at you for that. I’ll get over it.” She says okay.
From my perspective, this argument boiled down to one thing: I can’t believe Stephanie put herself on an All-Star team and not me.
But it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple. There are many reasons she made her decision that I’m sure are completely reasonable, and there are many reasons I’m upset that might have more to do with my need to feel worthy around my family and less to do with how Stephanie truly feels.
What is simple is honest communication about our feelings. Simple, but freaking hard. The more days that have passed, the better I’ve felt because I know that we both care enough about each other that we don’t want to stay mad.
If you’ve had a recent argument with someone close in your life, I encourage you to take the vulnerable step and call them. It might not feel good, but I promise it will feel better than how you feel about it right now.
The Feedback Rollercoaster
If you can master giving and receiving feedback in writing, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a better writer. For me, it’s been a long and bumpy ride.
I wrote about the balancing act of this important skill.
Felix Felicis
I have decided to take Felix Felicis on the day I go into labor.
Of all seven books in the Harry Potter series, my absolute favorite chapter is in Book 6, when Harry drinks Felix Felicis, aka Liquid Luck: a magical potion that makes the drinker lucky for a period of 12 hours, during which everything they attempt will be successful.
Harry won the small vial of potion in class and finally decided to use it to extract a very important memory from Professor Slughorn, a task that up until that point had been impossible. Upon drinking it:
“An exhilarating sense of infinite opportunity stole through him; he felt as though he could have done anything, anything at all… and getting the memory from Slughorn seemed suddenly not only possible, but positively easy.”
It just so happens that I have also acquired my very own vial of Felix Felices and have been saving it for some time. It struck me that I should drink it when I go into labor because Felix will illuminate the path ahead for me. The potion will allow me to have no worries, no doubts, no fears. I will feel confident that everything will work out, and the baby and I will have an amazing experience together that day.
Normal People
In high school, I was obsessed with Dawson’s Creek. The love story between Joey and Pacey gave me all the feels. I just wanted so badly for them to make it!
Fast forward to my 30s and there was a Showtime series I became obsessed with: Submission. For someone who never really watched porn, this was absolutely porn. Except the acting was great, the storyline was great, and the sex scenes were incredibly hot. There was no bigger turn-on than watching an episode of Submission with Sam. It always led to the bedroom, unless we couldn’t make it past the couch. (Unfortunately, the series was cancelled so we never got to finish watching. If anyone knows how I can watch this show, please let me know.)
So when I saw the following tweet, I was very intrigued:
So Sam and I decided to watch the Hulu series, Normal People and I highly recommend it. You will fall in love with the two main actors, you will get turned on by their incredible chemistry and steamy sex scenes, and my God, you’ll just want them to be together in the end!
It gets a little dark towards the end of the 12-episode series, but I’ve realized that my favorite descriptor of any television show is “dark.”
You’re welcome.
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Until next week,
Charlie