You guys,
I always stick my foot in my mouth.
Don’t tell me a secret because I will absolutely accidentally spill the beans. If there’s a topic of conversation that is off-limits - like a recent breakup or you can’t stand your mom but don’t say anything because she’s here - I am the person who will address these things. In front of everyone.
Lisa is our new nanny and to be honest, we don’t love her. The main problem is we adored our first nanny, Heather, who went back to college. On Heather’s last week, I choked back tears every time I remembered she was leaving us. And when she actually said goodbye, I held her in my arms and sobbed. Sam and I love her so much. And George loves her even more.
So the bar was set pretty high.
I was chatting on the phone with my friend Amy when she asked how things were going with the new nanny. I said they were fine but we missed Heather. I said some other things, too, that I can’t really remember. It’s not like I said Lisa sucked or we didn’t like her (I don’t think???) but I clearly wasn’t thrilled about our new situation.
I ended the call and walked inside. George was crawling around on the floor and Lisa sat on the couch.
Immediately, I regretted my phone conversation.
Whyyyy would I choose to talk about her when she might be sitting right inside the door? Why couldn’t I tell Amy, “I’ll tell you later,” or, “Things are good,” and just move on???
Because I am Charlie, and I have to say how I feel no matter how inconsiderate or stupid.
The rest of the afternoon I found myself being overly nice to Lisa. She was acting weird and a little subdued with me. I was sure of it. I was in my head the whole day, berating myself for being so careless. As Sam always likes to say, “It was an unforced error.”
I am the queen of unforced errors.
But it happened. I could continue to beat myself up or move on. But how? Address Lisa about it? Fire her? Pretend it never happened?
The next day, I sat on the back porch talking out loud to myself like a crazy person while Sam sat inside the door.
He didn’t hear anything.
So I’ll pretend it never happened.
Essay of the Week
Last week, the high school field hockey team I coach went down 4-0 in the last quarter.
I felt the familiar feeling of panic rise up in my chest. This was my fault and I had to fix it.
But for a moment, I realized I was feeling anxious and got curious. “Why was I feeling this way?”
What I realized turned into this week’s essay.
Strike One
The freezer door in our garage was left slightly ajar and everything inside defrosted.
We had to throw all of it out.
It was stuffed to the brim with food. Meat from the butcher, homemade dinners from my mother-in-law, organic chicken from Whole Foods, and my favorite local Wilmington ice cream sandwiches.
Sam stomped around and made comments like, “We can’t keep making these unforced errors.” And as he threw everything into big black trash bags, he whimpered a bit.
When we thought about it more, both of us realized we hadn’t gotten anything out of the freezer for days.
You know who put her lunch in the freezer on Friday?
Lisa.
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Until next week,
Charlie