You guys,
I had an identity crisis this week.
Who is Charlie Bleecker if she doesn’t publish a weekly essay???
My 2-year writing streak has become part of who I am. It’s my “thing.”
But I was starting to feel like a slave to the weekly deadline because other things were becoming more important: my role in Write of Passage, podcasting, and being present with my newborn baby.
I couldn’t do all of it. Something had to give.
Even though goals are meant to change and evolve, each time it happens I doubt myself. Instead of embracing the new direction I want to go in and trusting my gut (ie following the fun), I consider myself a failure. A quitter.
My way out of this dark headspace typically starts with conversation. First with Sam, who makes me see reason: “You ARE publishing each week. You send out your newsletter. You don’t need to do both.” Then I open up to friends like Matt Tillotson who basically shakes his head and tells me to knock it off. Then I share with anyone who will listen, because the more I talk about it and work through it, the better I start to feel about the new plan.
And then I land here, as I always do, writing about the thing I’m struggling with.
Because this is actually my thing. Sharing my struggles with you, my awesome readers.
So I will continue to do that each week. Through this newsletter, through the podcast, and through essays, too, when I feel a surge of inspiration too strong to ignore.
Essay of the Week
This week’s essay is a throwback to when I made the big decision last year to quit my job as Varsity Head Field Hockey coach.
In the weeks leading up to the decision I felt like a failure and a quitter, but eventually, I allowed myself to envision a life without coaching and my decision became abundantly clear and wonderful.
[Read Tough Decisions Made Easy]
The Return Of Bleecker Bombs
Sam and I were back in the podcasting studio over the weekend!
We managed to squeeze in some recording time while George napped and Layla slept on my shoulder.
Stay tuned for the new episode this Thursday.
In the meantime, catch up on our first three episodes on Spotify, overcast.fm, Google Podcasts, or Apple Podcasts.
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Until next week,
Charlie