Hi friends,
For much of life my favorite pastime was daydreaming.
In high school, daydreams revolved around doing well in sports and romantic interactions with crushes. In my 20s, I was accepting an Oscar for an Academy Award and appearing as a guest on Jimmy Fallon.
Daydreams accompanied me during long runs on the treadmill back when the purpose of running was strictly to burn the calories I’d eaten. They were there for me during the slow hours of waitressing shifts. They gave me something to look forward to when life felt too mundane or depressing - which was often.
My daydreams have changed drastically in my 30s. I imagine a dream home where Sam and I can provide a Superhost guest experience a la Airbnb for friends and family. Staying with us will feel like a vacation. We’ll have wonderful amenities, a pool, and delicious home-cooked meals.
Now that we are under contract for a house, daydreaming has turned to planning and I’m very easily distracted by paint colors and shower curtains and a new washer and dryer.
My dreams used to be fantasies - things I hoped to attain that would bring me happiness. Now I don’t daydream so much as I make plans.
Sure, I still imagine being on Jimmy Fallon now and then. Love that guy. But those kinds of daydreams have lost some of their allure. And I think that’s a good thing.
Blog of the Week
I always listen to podcasts with the intent to learn.
So when I find myself completely lost in an episode because it’s so entertaining, I become frustrated. I should have been paying more attention to press pause and take notes.
I finally realized that this isn’t a bad thing. Some podcasts just make you feel good.
I wrote about five specific episodes that give me the warm, fuzzy feelings.
Read the blog, listen to the episodes, and let me know if they give you all the feels, too.
Everything’s Canceled
My parents were supposed to visit us this month - canceled.
We had a vacation planned with Sam’s family in July - canceled.
But we can’t cancel the birth of our baby. That is happening in August.
As first time parents and total worriers regardless, Sam and I have been extra careful throughout this whole pandemic. Everyone has been very understanding, but when it comes to the actual arrival of our little one, we have both been made to feel a twinge of guilt by our parents.
As if we’re not stressed out enough, now we have to worry about their feelings, too. They seem to take it personally when we tell them exactly what the doctor tells us.
For example, I come from a family who doesn’t believe in flu shots. Last year was the first time I got one because Sam insisted and the doctor looked at me like I was a total idiot for not getting one. As I now understand it, the only downside to getting a flu shot is maybe feeling sick for 24 hours, which is exactly what happened. But when I thought about the alternative - getting the actual flu while pregnant - I felt pretty good about it.
So I recently told my mom that she and my Dad would need to get a flu shot before they see the baby. Her immediate response: “What for?”
I wanted to say, “Because I’m fucking telling you to,” but instead I said, “Because the doctor said the flu is really dangerous for the baby and he doesn’t get his flu shot until he’s six months old. And it’s not about you.”
I couldn’t help myself with that last line. It was incredibly frustrating to argue with her about it.
Mom then goes on to tell me how great her immune system is… but also, she did get the flu last year.
Excuse me while I rip my hair out.
So you can imagine how touchy it might get when I bring up precautions for Covid-19: quarantine for days after their arrival, masks, gloves, and a test, if possible. I haven’t laid out the details of this plan because things are always changing and I’m hopeful. But it’s been giving me a lot of anxiety as of late.
It would be awesome if I could just focus on birthing a child, thanks!
Baby Furniture
Do you know who is the opposite of handy? That would be my husband.
But folks, he did it. Sam put together our baby’s dresser. In the beginning, he was congratulating himself and celebrating the little victories - he got those drawers made real quick. As time progressed and the picture instructions just weren’t making sense anymore, curses started flying.
I was there for moral support and guidance. Because I was somewhat removed, I didn’t share his frustration. In fact, I found it funny, which could be received one of two ways.
Thankfully, Sam was in good spirits and most of his cursing was followed by laughter.
Every time I put together furniture, I ask myself, “Why did I think this was a good idea?” And then when I’m drunk, sweating, and exhausted, staring at this thing I built all by myself, I think it was all worth it.
There are plenty of things in my life that follow this same pattern. The question I’ve started to ask myself as I realize that freak outs and berating myself do nothing for my mental well-being, is:
How do I find ways to enjoy the process?
If I know, in hindsight, that the process is going to be long and grueling and hard, why can’t I just go into it and embrace the difficulties with curiosity and wonder? If the end result is the same, wouldn’t it be nice to love the process?
If you have figured out how to enjoy the process, you must let me know your secrets, you magical wizard.
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Until next week,
Charlie