You guys,
Sam and I argue about the dumbest shit.
Like how I recently noticed that all the kids these days call adults “Mr.” or “Miss” and then their first name, ie “Miss Charlie and Mr. Sam.” And since I like to take a firm stance on things, I declared I hate this. Just call me Charlie.
Sam came to the defense of parents everywhere who are clearly telling their kids to speak to adults in this way because it’s respectful.
An argument ensued.
See? Dumb shit.
Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing to have a full-blown fight about something so trivial. And believe me, it was one of those prolonged fights where we went to bed not speaking to each other. Add on top of it that we’ve now got a new housemate - my friend Gina - and it makes it doubly difficult to tiptoe around and wait until she’s out of ear shot to really let each other have it.
I’ve been reading the Duplass Brothers’ book, Like Brothers, and they listed five tricks to navigate an argument. Here’s the abbreviated excerpt:
THE PORKY PRINCIPLE: One of you needs to scream, ‘Porky Pig!’ as quickly as possible when the argument starts. You both immediately take off your pants and underwear (the Porky Pig look). If you start laughing and can’t take the argument seriously anymore, great. This was a silly argument. If one of you is still too angry or stubborn, then you’ll just have to get into it.
LISTEN FIRST: For fuck’s sake, learn how to validate the other person’s opinion before you shut them down with your own. Even if you are feeling wronged and your partner is in a crazed state of stupidity… hear their side, don’t interrupt, and let them know you have heard them and understood them. Only then can you make your case.
IMPOSE A CURFEW: No serious arguments after bedtime. Table that sucker until daytime when both of you are less tired and more generous with your affection.
CANCER MODE: Your significant other is dying of cancer. Not really, but imagine it. Seriously. Look them in the eyes, and before you launch your next shit-eating, passive-aggressive attack, imagine they are on death’s door and you won’t get to be with them next week.
FUCK LOVE STORY: Love Story was a popular film with the catchy tagline: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” We would venture to say the exact opposite is true. Love is about saying “I’m sorry” even if you desperately feel that you are 100% right and have done nothing wrong. If you can somehow swallow your ego and muster these words, you are a goddamn hero.
I didn’t read this passage in time to implement any of these tricks for our most recent argument. Instead, Sam and I went to bed angry. The next morning, Sam made the first move: “I don’t want to fight.”
Sometimes this is enough to end the argument. Other times, we still end up launching back into the blame game because not wanting to fight is not the same thing as an apology.
In this instance it was enough. Because it was such a stupid fight.
So I replied, “Me neither.”
At this point, Sam and I typically dissect the argument further. One of us will start by saying, “I see your side,” or “I understand where you’re coming from,” and the other one will listen, say thank you, and then reciprocate.
But this time Sam said, “Can we just start over today?” And I said, “Yes,” because not every argument is worth dissecting.
Also, yea I know, Sam was the better partner in this scenario. I get it. He’s wonderful.
I’ll let you know how the Porky Pig trick goes next time.
Essay of the Week
The father-daughter dance at my wedding was awkward.
It got me thinking about my relationship with my Dad and the relationship I hope to have with my son.
I wrote an essay about how hard parenting is and how badly I want to get it right.
Welcome To Our Home
My friend Gina moved in with us last week and it’s become quickly apparent that Sam and I are very particular about certain things. Some might even say we’re a little bit psychotic.
It’s kitchen things. Our good knives are only to be used on our good cutting boards. Non-stick utensils are only to be used on non-stick pans. Many items should be hand washed and I’m not always sure what the reasoning is. A sink full of dirty dishes doesn’t exist in our world. And we basically wash all dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. So much so that a dishwasher full of dirty dishes might look clean. Likewise, anything recycled needs to be completely washed and cleaned.
Gina probably thinks we’re crazy.
It’s amazing how normal your world seems until you let an outsider in, or you enter theirs.
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Until next week,
Charlie