You guys,
I can be more vulnerable with a stranger than I can with my family.
My younger sisters visited last week. I knew I wanted to have a hard conversation with them. When I thought about what I wanted to say it made so much sense in my head. But with Stephanie sitting right across from me, looking into my eyes, the words got stuck in my throat.
I wanted to say, “I feel like you guys don’t care about my writing, or you’re not interested.” But I suddenly questioned myself. I thought, Do I really think that? Why would I say that to her? She’s just going to respond with, “That’s ridiculous, of course we care.”
But it had been on my mind for a long time. I had to say it. So I did.
Stephanie listened. She didn’t say it was ridiculous. She didn’t say, “Of course we care.” She simply asked, “What are you writing about?”
And I told her. I told her about the general topics I write about. I told her that I sometimes write about family stuff. She asked follow-up questions. She seemed genuinely interested. It was nice.
I put so much blame on my family for not being more supportive, but I rarely tell them how I feel. It’s easier to push my feelings aside and not deal with it at all. But that hasn’t been working.
This felt like a step toward a closer relationship, at least with my one sister.
I wish I could say it happened without drinking alcohol, as I had planned to do it, but as soon as they arrived I kept thinking, “We should probably start drinking soon.”
One thing at a time.
Essay of the Week
After my sisters’ visit I had a lot to write about. Thinking back to many of our conversations I felt angry. I vomited an essay onto the page. It was very journal-y. When I read it back hours later it felt like I was whining. It felt more like a vent session than something valuable or relatable.
So I went through my Evernote and searched: “Anger.” There was a lot I could use and it actually helped me work through some of the anger I was feeling.
This week’s essay is about anger and how to deal with it.
Marriage
Over the weekend, our friend Brandon came over for dinner.
Exiting the bathroom he said, “I never would have guessed the Bleecker family to be a single-ply household.”
That’s because we are NOT a single-ply household. Sam prefers 1-ply. I prefer 2. So we buy both and alternate. It’s one of our many compromises.
But feedback received. Only 2-ply TP in the guest bathroom from now on!
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Until next week,
Charlie