Hey Quarantine Pals!
These past few weeks, I’ve never been more productive with my writing. I wake up each morning excited to start the day. Whether I’m writing, learning, or providing feedback to a fellow Write of Passage alum, I’m consistently inspired and motivated. It’s FUN.
On the other hand, I’ve been feeling down about my physical well-being. First because I’m not attending my regular barre class. Second because of my eating habits. When I’m not having dessert of homemade chocolate chip cookies or banana bread, I’m eating Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Dough or my favorite local Nye’s ice cream sandwiches (a Wilmington staple that you can order online - my favorite is Coconut Chocolate; Sam’s is Chocolate Peanut Butter). No matter what, I’m eating dessert.
When I express my negative feelings to Sam, he reminds me of my buckets. Everybody has three life buckets: health/wellness, ambition/creativity, and relationships (you can make up your own buckets if you’d prefer). You don’t have to fill all your buckets every day, but you can aim to fill at least two.
If I cook a homemade meal with Sam or have a 30-minute phone conversation with my mom, I’ve filled my relationship bucket. If I go for an hour walk or meditate (haven’t done that in a while so don’t even know why I’m mentioning) I’ve filled my health/wellness bucket. If I do anything that will ultimately contribute to my writing… or I make a lip sync video simply because it brings me joy, I’ve filled my ambition/creativity bucket.
There are lots of different ways to fill our buckets. The key is to focus on what we are doing, not on what we’re not doing. Try to be kind to yourself as you navigate your new normal. I promise I will, too.
I was a Bridezilla
Not all bridezillas are monsters. We’re just brides who haven’t figured out how to set boundaries.
I didn’t anticipate so much pushback to all my wedding plans. In fact, I thought I was a perfect candidate for the laid back, chill bride. But there are a lot of expectations from a lot of different people when it comes to a wedding, and if you’re not able to set boundaries for yourself, you’re screwed.
I wrote about my experience to shed light on what it means to be a bridezilla and how brides can take control of their wedding day bliss.
Adolescent Stupidity
When my girlfriends and I were in ninth grade, we played something called, “The Passing Out Game.” One girl would stand with her back against the wall while another would place her hands around the sides of the girl’s neck and press hard until she passed out. The girl’s eyes would flutter and then roll to the back of her head, she’d slowly slide down the wall, and sometimes, would have convulsions before quickly regaining consciousness.
We’d all get excited and ask, “What happened? What did you feel?”
Out of curiosity, I Googled “kids who choke each other until they pass out for fun,” and 20 million results popped up, including an article written in Time Magazine in 2018.
“In the U.S. alone, 82 children between the ages of 6 and 19 died after playing the Choking Game between 1995 and 2007.”
I couldn’t believe this was an actual thing. Reading accounts of kids’ deaths was hard to ingest and so scary to think that my girlfriends and I did it without any fear. Looking back, I think that even if my mom did find out and told me not to do it, I’d probably roll my eyes and think she was overreacting. In a lot of ways, I thought I was invincible.
In a recent podcast episode, Anthony Pompliano talks about growing up with four brothers.
“I think subconsciously we just would say things like, ‘Well we’re not gonna die,’ so we could do crazy shit. The things that we did, looking back, I have no clue how all five of us are still alive and all five of us still have every arm and leg. No clue.”
Many people look back at their lives and shake their heads when they think about how lucky they are to be alive. I certainly do.
I realize kids are resilient, but I’m struggling with how I can strike the balance of encouraging my son’s independence while at the same time, making sure he understands that life is precious and he only gets one body.
Mmm Ambien
When my trouble with sleeping was at its worst in college, my doctor prescribed me Ambien.
I loved that shit. Mostly because at the same time I started taking Ambien, I started my strict daily consumption of 1,000-1,400 calories a day while working out heavily in the weight room, attending field hockey practice, and going for long late-night runs to burn even more calories.
I’d be hungry at night, but the Ambien would knock me out. In the morning, there would sometimes be clues that I had gorged on crackers and snacks in my drugged state, but it was never enough to derail my daily efforts of consuming as little calories as possible. I got skinny, which is exactly what I had wanted.
My lowest and most shameful moment with Ambien came during a weekend retreat with the hockey team. I was a senior captain, so I should have been setting a good example. Instead, when eight of us huddled together that night in a small tent with wooden planks to sleep on, I passed around Ambien like it was candy and we all got fucked up. I hazily remember a lot of laughter and recording video with my camcorder.
In an in-depth 3-part interview with sleep expert Matthew Walker, Peter Attia talks about when he used to take Ambien:
"My friend says to me, 'By the way, that Ambien crap that you take a couple times a month, you know that's not sleep right? And I said, 'What do you mean it's not sleep? I'm out.' He said, 'You're confusing lack of consciousness and sleep. If I took a baseball bat and hit you on the head, I could render you completely unconscious laying on the floor for eight hours. Do you think, in any way, that mimics the restorative process of sleep? Not even close, so think of Ambien as a chemical baseball bat to the head.’”
If you have trouble sleeping, Ambien is not the answer. Any type of drug - including alcohol - is not the answer (unfortunately).
I still don’t sleep great, but when I do sleep, I sleep naturally.
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
I’m from Jersey. I curse a lot. When I get around my family I curse even more.
It’s always been a part of my identity, but lately I have been trying to do it less. It’s a combination of being around my husband who never swears (he’s always taken aback when I curse for seemingly no reason), plus getting ready for parenthood. I don’t think cursing is bad; I just realize there’s a time and place for it.
If you’re also trying to kick a terrible cursing habit, consider “codswallop” instead of “bullshit.” It’s basically a wizard swear, first spoken by Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on page 57 of the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
If you’ve never read the book, you can listen to it now for free on Audible! If you do have the first book, I highly recommend listening as you read along. Or, even better, take this time to learn a new language. You can read along in English as you listen in French, Italian, Spanish, German, or Japanese. (I will not be doing that, but I’m sure it’s a really good idea for someone else.)
I cried laughing
Actress, writer, comedian Alyssa Limperis nails the “mom at home during quarantine.” I’ve watched this video at least five times now.
The last part gets me every time:
"You should see the grocery store right now, it's a nightmare. I had to wait in line to get into the store. I'm not goin' again. I'll go tomorrow but that's - I will not, before then."
Until next time,
Charlie