You guys,
Marital arguments shine a spotlight on my cringiest flaws and the parts of myself I like the least. The parts of myself I don’t want people to see or know.
Normally, no one gets to see this side of me except for my husband. But I had the brilliant idea to rehash our arguments on my new podcast, so for the past two weeks I’ve had to revisit these moments and share the worst sides of myself.
I hate feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel raw, exposed, and I immediately want to protect myself by running away, shutting down, or resorting to anger.
It might seem ironic, then, that my writing is vulnerable, raw, and exposed. But I don’t think so.
Sharing my shortcomings and faults and ugly insecurities lifts the weight of shame and self-loathing. And it helps me slowly grow and change into a better person, as opposed to staying stuck in those ways that have previously felt like character defects.
Being vulnerable with Sam makes me feel naked and weak, but when I’m able to follow through on vulnerability and stay in it, I’m rewarded with open and honest communication, and our relationship is strengthened because of it.
It’s fucking hard. But I’m confident that writing about it and talking about it will continue to make it easier. So I’ll keep trying.
Essay of the Week
I wrote my 100th essay as Charlie Bleecker!!
When I talk to doctors, nurses, and mothers about the decision to have a drug-free childbirth vs. a medicated one, I’m frequently told the same thing:
“There’s no prize at the end for having a natural childbirth.”
Uh. Yea there is.
Marital Arguments And Personal Finances
Episode 2 of Bleecker Bombs is out!
What’s juicier: a discussion about our recent argument or how Sam and I get very specific about money and how we spend it??
[Listen to the episode on Spotify, overcast.fm, Google Podcasts, or Apple Podcasts.]
Let me know what you think.
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Until next week,
Charlie