Good Morning!
You know how the promise of that first cup of coffee catapults you out of bed each morning? Apparently, so does the promise of Twitter.
I’m a little slower than usual getting out of bed for my 24-hour experiment on Wednesday without Twitter, email, podcasts, and television.
It could also be that I haven’t been sleeping well. When pregnant, you’re not supposed to sleep on your back. It cuts off blood flow (or something) to the baby. I wake up constantly throughout the night, each time on my back because that is my most comfortable position. Then I panic, thinking I’ve killed the baby, and turn onto my side, never able to fully relax. Not to mention that a week ago, I woke in the middle of the night with a COCKROACH CRAWLING ON MY ARM IN BED.
Listen, I don’t want to talk about it. Mostly because I don’t want you to think our house is dirty (Sam is more concerned about this than I am - he really needs to work on his inner scorecard). We live at the beach. Cockroaches do, too.
We usually get the house sprayed but haven’t lately because we were worried about chemicals since I’m pregnant. Welp, after that night, we didn’t care. The exterminator confirmed that it’s completely safe once the spray dries. We haven’t seen a cockroach since, but how am I supposed to get the image out of my head each night when I lay down to sleep?
I spent the first two hours of my day writing/staring at my screen. I worked on two chapters of my long-form essay, a third draft of a blog post I’ve been working on, and this newsletter. Without anything to distract me, I had to sit with the discomfort of feeling like I had nothing to say. I suppose I was more productive even if I did feel like my writing was shit.
I complained about my morning to Sam, who rolled his eyes and laughed at me: “I feel like I’m doing an experiment - dealing with someone who’s not allowed to go on Twitter.”
Then I went for my daily hour walk - only this time without headphones. I felt naked and like I should really be utilizing this time to learn. I quickly switched gears and thought, “This is great. I’m going to have so many brilliant ideas because I’m just enjoying my walk, not thinking about anything.” This was a dumb thought. Anticipating brilliance does not allow for brilliance. My walk was nice, but with too much expectation I had no creative thoughts.
In the afternoon I told Sam, “Let’s have sex today,” to which he responded, “Yea… how about 4:00?”
This is the normal way everyone else plans sex with their partner, yes? Or is it because just yesterday we celebrated one year of marriage together? Let me be clear, I’m all about spontaneous sex.
Who am I kidding, no I’m not. I like to schedule it. Not every time, but a lot of the time. Sex is so important in a relationship and feels amazing... and I’m also a planner. So yea, we scheduled our sex date for 4:00.
Until then, I did some baking, laundry, and squats. Usually I’d listen to a podcast, but today I put on music. Started with a Halsey album and then moved on to Billy Joel.
I used to listen to music all the time. As a kid, it was always blasting through our entire house. Putting on Billy Joel made me very nostalgic and I realized that Billy Joel has essentially written the soundtrack to my life (sounds like a title, doesn’t it?).
I ended up listening to Billy Joel music all night. Two ideas started forming:
My life according to Billy Joel songs and lyrics.
How I’m not very close with my Dad, but we’ll always share our love for Billy Joel.
Before dinner I meditated for only the second time in 2020. Sam and I attended a Transcendental Meditation course last February. It was weird and cool. Transcendental Meditation is mantra-based, which means you repeat a made-up word in your head the entire time. You are encouraged to meditate twice a day for 20 minutes each time. I initially thought this was outrageous, but I then meditated every day, twice a day, for about three months.
It tapered off after our wedding, and by January of this year I had completely stopped. I do enjoy it, but it’s one of those things that requires a lot of patience. Patience in the moment, patience with yourself, and patience for the long-term effects.
So I did it. No revelation or anything, but it was nice.
By 10:30pm, I was congratulating myself for making it through the day. It was hard but certainly not impossible. I learned that by not being constantly distracted, I was able to focus more on whatever present task I was working on. I also got swept up in the music of Billy Joel which allowed me to reflect on his influence in my life, and therefore, a possible idea for a new piece of writing.
The best way to move forward from this challenge is to designate certain times of day for Twitter and email. I swear I’ll implement that soon.
LA people are not fake.
I wrote a short piece this week. No quotes. No evidence. No support.
Longform essay update
While working on my longform essay this week, I realized I needed to add two new chapters:
Depression and Therapy - for my introduction to therapy, psychiatry, and antidepressants.
Too Much Food - for that time I ate myself sick in Paris.
I’m averaging about 750 words per chapter. Remember, this is only with personal anecdotes. I haven’t put in any quotes or supporting statements yet.
I have now written 10 chapters and have two more weeks to write the last six chapters of my vomit draft. Totally doable.
The Last Dance
The final two episodes of The Last Dance aired Sunday night and I’m so sad it’s over. Michael Jordan is an inspiration. I loved getting to know him as a player, teammate, and person.
But his kids weren’t interviewed until the very last episode, and they didn’t say much. I don’t care how loud the stadium was… what’s your relationship with your Dad??
I realize that Michael Jordan had some influence in production and probably didn’t want to talk about his family.
Bill Simmons recently said in his podcast:
“This is about as good as you’re gonna do with somebody having some honest, authentic moments in a documentary that ultimately wouldn’t have happened unless he’s blessed it.”
That’s fine, and I certainly do much appreciate those honest and authentic moments.
But if this was a documentary on Kobe Bryant, I’d bet he be talking about his family. Because his family was intertwined with his success. It wasn’t separate. Maybe I’m wrong. Listen to this podcast with Kobe last year. Of course he talks about basketball: the hard work, the dedication, the love of the game. But he also talks about parenting, coaching his daughter, and embracing his emotions. (In the aftermath of his and his daughter’s tragic death, it’s a heartbreaking listen.)
In another recent episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, Northwestern University’s director of sports journalism, J.A. Adande, made this observation:
“Kobe did one thing Michael never did: Kobe found happiness after basketball. Kobe was much better adjusted after basketball than Michael ever was, than Michael is to this day.”
After watching 10 episodes of MJ and listening to one podcast interview of Kobe, I think Kobe lived a happier and more fulfilling life. He, too, was obsessed with basketball, but he found balance in all areas of his life and was still able to thrive in his NBA career.
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Until next week,
Charlie