Hi friends,
I love adderall. It’s an amazing drug.
I used to take it whenever I could get my hands on it for a host of reasons:
It made me want to talk to everyone. It made me interested in other people. It made me very engaging and social.
It curbed my appetite. I had a toxic relationship with the scale so my first thoughts when I woke up were about my weight and my last thoughts when my head hit the pillow were about my weight. I LOVED that I was never hungry when I took adderall.
It made me extremely motivated to write. Ideas flowed and my fingers could barely keep up with my brilliant thoughts.
All of this had a downside, though.
When the drug wore off I became irritable. I was no longer interested in anything people had to say. In fact, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Because I relished the lack of appetite, I took it on an empty stomach and barely ate all day. This would inevitably lead to a binge.
Whenever I didn’t take adderall I had absolutely no motivation to write. Writing was supposed to be something I enjoyed, but it became something I couldn’t possibly do without drugs.
Because adderall was such an upper I needed something to bring me down so I could sleep at night. So I drank. A lot. I never took adderall without chasing it down with a bottle of wine.
Adderall was the devil on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, sending me on a downward spiral towards addict tendencies. Then I did something I was really ashamed of.
This week I finally came clean about my shameful secret and wrote an essay about it. [Read the post here.]
Who wears shoes in the house?
Last week I wrote an essay detailing my mom’s unacceptable behavior when she wore shoes in our house. Whether or not readers agreed with me, I had lots of comments on Twitter and responses to my newsletter. It seems that setting boundaries with family members resonated with people.
The last time I had that much engagement with an essay was when I wrote Breaking the Chain of Sibling Rivalry, which discussed my shitty relationship with my brother.
Even though I’ve written about many different topics, the two I’ve had the most engagement with were about family.
Everyone can relate to strained dynamics within the family. But not many people can actually voice their opinion and feelings. That’s the advantage of writing under a pseudonym.
I want to dig deeper and continue to write openly about this topic.
Next up will be the issue of money and how I find myself trying to hide our wealth from my family. Like when my mom was recently visiting and there were three landscapers in the backyard and I hoped she didn’t notice.
She definitely noticed.
Watch This
I have a bit of a crush on Erin Matson, the junior field hockey player for the UNC Tar Heels. Her skills are unmatched.
Over the weekend, I watched her score this goal and yelled so loud that I scared the crap out of the sleeping baby in my arms.
It doesn’t matter if you know the game of field hockey or not. Watch the replay! It’s sick.
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Until next week,
Charlie