Transparent Tuesdays

Issue 155

You guys,

I refuse to call my mom. 

I can’t believe it’s come to this, but here I am, stubborn and petty and indignant and crossing my arms while I wait for the incoming phone call. 

Two months ago I had a hard conversation with my mom. We’d been talking on the phone much more because I started calling her regularly, about once a week. But my mom never calls me. Ever. Rather than continue to feel offended and hurt about it, I decided to tell her. 

If this seems like an easy conversation to you, I get it. Many conversations that are hard for me are not hard for others, but my mom and I don’t often tell each other things that bother us about each other. Instead, we act like everything is fine and then complain to other people in our lives and never resolve our issues. And yes I do know my mom does this, too, because she complains to me about my siblings. 

In this instance, I decided to grow up and just tell her. So I inhaled a deep breath and said, “You know, I call you all the time and you never call me, and I would like it if you called me sometimes.” 

I anticipated her exact response: “Well I know you’re so busy and I don’t want to bother you.”

Classic mom line. 

I told her I appreciated that, but if she calls and I’m busy and I don’t answer, then I’ll call back when I’m not busy. She said okay in a way that really made me feel like she heard me and understood me and appreciated me for saying how I felt. I filed a win in my hard conversations folder. 

She has not called me since. 

Not once! 

And I made a point to keep calling her because I didn’t want her to feel like I was waiting for her to call but NOW I’M WAITING FOR HER TO CALL. 

Last week a stomach bug swept our house. I sent a message to the family group text to give them an update. Mom immediately responded to say she was sorry. 

There was no follow up. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for her to call and check in on us, but I didn’t receive so much as a text the following day. 

Meanwhile, my MIL would not leave us alone. She checks in on us every single day when everyone’s healthy. When everyone was sick she was texting every four hours. I’m not kidding. 

Her texts were one big barrage of questions:

“How is everyone feeling? How was the night? Are they running temperatures? I hope everyone is better. Ice pops may help so they don’t become hydrated. Were the kids able to go to daycare? Sam, how are you???” 

Is it a bit much?? Yes. Would I prefer Jan’s constant questions over radio silence from my own mother?? YES! 

And guess what? We’re traveling to New Jersey to stay with my parents for a week over Easter. There are still logistics to discuss, like the fact that we’re planning to stay an extra day! 

Isn’t she going to feel like an asshole when she doesn’t find out about this until, I don’t know, we show up on her doorstep? (It’s not lost on me that I’m acting like even more of an asshole right now.)

So I wait, and fume, and relentlessly vent to Sam, and refuse to call my mom. 

Update since writing this post: 

I ACCIDENTALLY CALLED MY MOM!!!

She’s #2 on my Favorites list and I meant to call Sam and I freaking called her instead. I immediately ended the call and

she 

didn’t

call 

me 

back. 

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Bleecker Bombs

A new podcast episode is out! 

I had a conversation with my friend Randy Garman. We attempted to answer the question, What is the purpose of our writing?

Then we talked shit on Twitter.

Listen to the episode on overcast.fm, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

By the way, I’d love to hear from you! What is the purpose of your writing? And how do you feel about Twitter?

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Until next week,

Charlie