You guys,
Mom called to casually let me know that she’s fine, “But I do have cancer.”
She kept talking but the word “cancer” reverberated in my head and it was difficult to concentrate.
It’s endometrial cancer, or cancer of the uterus. She’s scheduled for a hysterectomy to remove her uterus at the end of November.
Mom assured me everything was okay: “The doctor even told me, ‘If I were to get any type of cancer, I would want it to be endometrial.’”
Great.
The last time there was cancer in my family it was my godmother and favorite Aunt. She loved Christmas and her girlfriends and laughing and wreaked of cigarette smoke. She was the coolest person I knew. I was in my early 20s and assumed she’d be fine. But it progressed quickly and Dad told me, “If you have anything you want to say to Aunt Jody, tell her now.”
I drove to Barnes & Noble and bought letter paper (that I still use today) and wrote my Aunt a letter. I mailed it to her.
She never got it.
Cancer is fucking scary. But my mom’s not scared. She feels good about the surgery. She told me, “For a person who’s terrified of dying I’m not too worried.” So we got off the phone and I went about my life.
But it’s there, lingering in my mind. My mom has cancer. Totally fine.
Essay of the Week
For the eight years I coached field hockey I struggled with whether or not I wanted to do it. I loved parts of it and hated parts of it. But I figured everything worth doing is hard.
Right?
But it’s more nuanced than that. As my friend Florian so eloquently explained,
“Our minds are particularly agile at tricking us into believing that what we think we should do is what we want to do.”
So after three weeks of reflection, I wrote about my decision to stop coaching field hockey.
Skincare > Makeup
At 37 years old I finally started to think about skincare.
I never feel like putting on makeup but also hate that I look tired all the time. And are those… age spots on my forehead??
But skincare is daunting. 10-step routines??? The combination of expense + time it would take had me further resisting.
So I started small.
I learned my skin type (dry). I optimized for the most basic needs, which are apparently cleanser, moisturizer, and sunscreen. I upgraded from Dove bar soap and CVS brand face lotion to a recommended facial cleanser and daily moisturizer for dry skin. I spent $68 on less than 2oz of sunscreen and to be honest, I haven’t put it on yet because I don’t want to waste it.
But after one night of using my new cleanser and moisturizer I stepped out of the bathroom feeling positively radiant, like I had just stepped out of a spa.
Skincare. Who knew??
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Until next week,
Charlie