You guys,
It was a big weekend for the Bleeckers. Our first real outing with George. We went to a field hockey game, dined at a restaurant, and stayed at a hotel.
Sam and I were determined to be super chill, laid back, go-with-the-flow parents.
Oh, the game starts at George’s naptime? No sweat! He can nap in the stroller! (He didn’t nap in the stroller.) Oh, there’s a weather delay? Great! We can run back to the hotel (literally, I’m still sore) and feed George a bottle and change his diaper! We got this!
For the most part we crushed being easy-going parents.
But we had our moments.
Like when I dropped one of George’s clean diapers on the hotel carpet (gasp!) and Sam reacted as though the carpet was hot lava. And then I reacted by rolling my eyes. And then he reacted by telling me to not roll my eyes. And then an argument ensued.
Our goal used to be to minimize the arguments. But we’ve recently accepted that we’re going to argue sometimes. It’s much less important to minimize arguments and much more important to minimize the length of the argument. Because it sucks to be angry for a long time. And also, we don’t want that energy around George.
I’ve become hyper-aware of my ego during these moments. I know in my core I want the argument to be over and the best way to do that is be vulnerable, apologize for how I’ve made Sam feel (even if it wasn’t my intention), and give him a hug. It’s quite simple. But my dang ego is like a 4-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. Sam should be the one to apologize!
So I go back and forth in my head, knowing what I need to do but unable to fully commit.
Unfortunately, you can’t halfway apologize. You can’t say, “I’m sorry, but…” You can’t say, “Listen, I don’t want to fight, this isn’t a big deal,” because that minimizes his feelings. You can’t sincerely apologize in one breath and then blame him in the next. I’ve tried all the ways to halfway commit to being vulnerable and it just doesn’t work.
The positive to all this is that I always feel safe with Sam. I know that if I am vulnerable and I do sincerely apologize, it will be well received and he will let his guard down, too.
I’m proud of us for turning the day around and getting back on the same page. But the real star of the weekend was George. Such a trooper. Turns out kids are pretty adaptable!
Essay of the Week
Watching UNC junior Erin Matson play field hockey is like watching Michael Jordan play basketball or Tom Brady play football. You get chills when she has the ball.
I had the pleasure of meeting her Dad, Brian, during the semifinals of the NCAA National Championship Friday. He was so proud, loving, and supportive. Just an all-around great person and amazing parent.
It got me thinking about my own past playing sports, and how I can be my son’s biggest fan in whatever he chooses to do.
I wrote an essay about how to instill confidence in kids. [Read the post here.]
A True Legend
Here’s the overtime game-winning goal of the NCAA National Championship scored by the great Erin Matson. I’ve watched this clip at least 40 times.
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Until next week,
Charlie