Hello, May!
Months ago, a girlfriend told me that I will definitely need three strollers for my baby.
I wrote that off as insane - do you know how expensive strollers are? We’re getting one.
And now, here I am, in the market for three strollers. First we need a “regular” one. The one we’ll use around the neighborhood, most of the time. Apparently, whatever stroller you get has to be compatible with your car seat, so we have to take that into consideration when choosing which one is “right for us,” whatever that means.
Second is a travel stroller. Something smaller and more portable, obviously. We don’t want to be lugging around some massive monstrosity when getting on a plane.
Third is a jogger stroller, for the active mom and dad who want to multi-task. Sam’s a runner, so he’s excited for this one. I’m more of a bikram or barre class go-er than a jogger, but I imagine I’ll want to get in cardio however I can when the baby arrives.
Three strollers. Ridiculous.
And then there’s the bassinet. Have you heard of this thing called The Snoo? Apparently, it’s magical. Babies love The Snoo. If you want to get any sleep as a parent, you’ll get The Snoo. No other bassinet compares. This thing is so expensive that you can rent it, but if you do choose to buy one, it’s $1,300.
Sam and I have actually been considering this! Two of my friends told me to get it, so I was like, okay, we’re getting it. But really, how long is the baby going to be sleeping in the bassinet before we move him to the crib? Three months, tops? What does The Snoo actually do? I don’t get it.
Sam’s cousin recently had a baby. She moved the baby to the crib after a couple weeks and they have a brand new bassinet that she is happy to send our way. It’s called a Doc-a-tot. The reviews don’t compare to The Snoo, of course, but… it’s free. Or maybe the more important part of this story is that her baby slept in the bassinet for only a couple weeks.
All this baby stuff is starting to feel like our wedding. Sam and I wanted to keep things simple. We wanted to focus on what we wanted and not what everyone else told us we needed. But little by little, things started to add up.
I know we need a lot of stuff for our baby. I just wish someone would tell us what we actually, essentially, really need.
So all you parents out there - what do you recommend?
I’m sorry.
Why is it so difficult to say those two little words?
It’s inevitable for couples to argue, but the more we can minimize our anger response and truly listen to our partners, the faster we can find our way back to a place of mutual love and understanding.
This week’s blog post: How to say sorry (even when you know you’re right).
I dated a psychopath
If a person laughs when you tell them you dated a psychopath and says something like, “Yea, haven’t we all,” then that person has definitely not dated a psychopath. Anyone who has been affected by a psychopath would never laugh about it because it’s not funny. It’s traumatizing.
The spectrum of psychopathy is vast. On the severe side are killers. On the mild side are narcissists. I’m not sure where my ex fell but I try not to think about the possibilities.
One of the many red flags was sex. He never cared about me. It was all about him. He would quickly cum, then jump out of bed, whistling. When I finally addressed it, he told me that I'm the one who's not normal. He brought up his ex-girlfriend (all of his ex-girlfriends, actually), and said that she never cared about that. Why should I?
I used to feel ashamed for being so completely duped by another human, but a couple years after the 7-month relationship ended, I found a book called Psychopath Free that opened my eyes to what really happened. I felt like author Jackson Mackenzie was speaking directly to me:
“Say farewell to cryptic [messages], self-doubt, and manufactured anxiety. You will never again find yourself desperately waiting for a text from the person you love. You will never again censor your spirit for fear of losing the perfect relationship. You will never again be told to stop overanalyzing something that urgently needs analysis. You are no longer a pawn game in the mind of a psychopath. You are free.”
Now I feel lucky to have gotten out of it when I did. I’d like to say that it’s a thing of my past, but I still have an irrational fear that he will kill me and/or Sam. If I’m ever walking alone at night, I’m not afraid of strangers. I’m afraid of my ex.
Intuitive Eating
The initial idea for my long-form essay was sparked at the beginning of April. I was writing a short section for my newsletter when I realized that I had so much to say on the topic. I used the month to organize my thoughts and re-read and highlight the book, Intuitive Eating.
Putting pen to paper, I answered two questions: Why am I writing this? What’s my goal?
Then I created 14 chapters, each with its own title.
Next, I created deadlines to hold me accountable:
June 2: Vomit draft - this first draft will encompass each of the 14 sections with all my personal stories included. This gives me four weeks from today, which means I have to write almost four sections each week.
July 21: Second draft - this draft will include all my supporting evidence and quotes from the books and articles and podcasts I’ve consumed. Seven weeks means that I have to complete two sections a week. I wanted to give myself a longer time frame to make more sense of the sections and add some finesse and flow to each part.
August 17: Final draft - this gives me four weeks to receive feedback, edit, and fine tune the introduction and conclusion.
It’s also baby boy Bleecker’s due date. I figure it’s easy to schedule my writing before he gets here but I have no idea what to expect after he arrives. It will feel good to have my first long-form essay published before the baby is born, especially if I find myself in an unproductive state for the first few months of his existence.
I gave myself a longer timeline because I still have a blog and newsletter to publish each week. Also, a longer timeline gives me comfort while at the same time makes me feel like I have no excuse not to finish by August 17.
Anybody have tips for attacking the long-form essay process?
Puzzle Fatigue
I’m working on a puzzle because who isn’t working on a puzzle these days? There’s no greater feeling than putting in that last piece. It’s so satisfying. I raise up my arms, punch the sky a few times, and literally jump up and down.
But I really felt this tweet:
Why can’t I finish??
Who walks away from a puzzle with so few pieces left? It should be easy, right? Honestly, I’m embarrassed. These pieces aren’t even small. And they’re all weird shapes. I just can’t look at it anymore.
…but Sam better not touch it. I will have my satisfying last-puzzle-piece moment. Someday.
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Until next week!
Charlie