Transparent Tuesdays
Issue 145
You guys,
I spent the past week suffering from the post-Christmas blues.
The warmth and magic of the holiday season started to fade Christmas night. I held Layla in my arms and paced around her room in the dark when I felt my first wave of overwhelming sadness. For the past month I sang The Christmas Song at bedtime, but tonight it didn’t feel right. There was a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry but felt silly for wanting to cry so I swallowed it instead.
The next day, we went for a family bike ride and the lights on all the houses that only a day ago filled me with happiness now felt somehow depressing, like they were just waiting to be taken down.
When Sam took down the tree I snapped one final picture before he dragged it out of the house. We agreed it was the best tree we ever had. It was the perfect size, looked great from every angle, and its sturdy branches held all our ornaments. It was such a wonderful tree that Sam and I realized we should have named him. It made me sad we didn’t think to name him from the beginning. From now on, we’ll name our Christmas trees.
I slowly boxed up all the decorations, but left the Christmas lights on in the family room. I wanted to keep some semblance of Christmas spirit in the house for as long as possible.
That’s the thing about Christmas. It provides immediate, bursting happiness for one month of the year, but the sadness when it’s over is equally bursting and immediate.
I told Sam we needed a post-Christmas tradition. Something fun to do with the kids after we put away Christmas. A movie? Bowling? Beach trip?
All of those would be fine but they wouldn’t take away my sadness. They would just temporarily distract me. If I want to continue feeling the high highs of Christmastime cheer, I have to also be okay with feeling the low lows of the post-Christmas blues.
It’s okay to feel sad. It’s good to feel sad. It’s when I try not to feel a feeling that it feels worse. It tightens up in my chest and casts a dark cloud over my mind. And it stays like that, a persistent ache, until I finally allow myself to feel it.
It’s not silly to feel sad when Christmas is over. It’s inevitable.
The White Lotus
Sam and I binged season 2 of The White Lotus and OMG that shit was dark, twisted, and sexually charged.
The two couples vacationing together was an edge-of-your-seat, can’t-look-away type of storyline. I’m not going to give anything away if you haven’t seen it, but there was one scene that had me like, What? Why? Why did she do that? What does it meannnnn???
It’s the scene where Daphne shows Harper a picture on her phone. When the episode was over, I Googled it because I had to know. And I got an answer that made me like, Dudddddeeeeee. Dude. And I was going to share it here but it’s a spoiler so I can’t do that to you guys, BUT for those of you who have seen it and know exactly what scene I’m talking about and are also dying to know, here’s the article I found.
Best show ever. And good news, you don’t need to watch Season 1. It’s a completely new storyline. Season 1 was fine, but Season 2 is WILD.
New Year Resolution
2022 was the year I loved my life and was way too stressed out for no good reason.
So for 2023, my intention is to do less, plan less, and leave space for serenity, serendipity and spontaneity.
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Happy New Year!
Charlie