I once heard a comedian on a podcast say, “the real addiction is control” and I always think about that. Reading your essay reminds me of exactly that, and something I can understand as someone who I’m pretty sure has “control” in my genes. But I also used to practice a lot of “idiot compassion” which I think is the opposite of what you’re talking about and something that never seems to actually help anyone. All that to say I enjoyed this essay and as someone who’s been in your classes, I appreciate the bluntness and honesty because it’s always made me a better writer!
Thanks, Michelle. How do you handle the control piece when it comes to podcasting? Sometimes I make myself crazy the way I practice what I'm going to say in my head before we start recording, because I want to control every single thing.
With podcasting, I feel like I've come to accept that the conversation is going to go in the direction that it goes. My big lessons to learn with podcasting + control:
1. "yes and..." my sister and I tried to learn a little about improv so that we could lean into the flow of the conversation instead of trying to control it. Sometimes on long drives we would practice which is kind of dorky but I think it helped.
2. The bigger issue was trying to control my sister - I would sometimes "produce" during the recording which would then kill the mood for both of us and I think you could hear it in the podcast. Again with the "yes and-ing".
Not exactly the same issue, but that's where my intersection of control and podcasting came through haha.
This guy said something like, there should be some type of conflict/disagreement with two hosts. Like, you SHOULDN'T agree with everything the other person is saying. I would love to hear your thoughts about it. I know you've been at this for a while ( I listened to your 100th episode, congrats by the way!).
This is podcast is so well timed for me! I need to listen. We actually are a little too agreeable and are trying to disagree more often haha. Not just a feeling, we've been advised to do this.
We don't always agree in real life, but a lot of times by the time we record, we are on the same page about the topic. It's funny, we added a "community time" at the end, and we tend to argue more then, I think partially because it feels casual and more like a throwaway part of the episode, so we're ironically more relaxed. I think our gateway is disagreeing with a content, ideology or some external thing first. We're still sensitive artists haha, gotta prioritize that first 🥹
l feel the same way about me and my husband! We record together for our podcast, and by the time we record we're totally on the same page. We sometimes talk about an argument we had, so we reflect on the disagreement. But we are also now trying to find more ways to have more friction.
That makes me feel better! I'm trying to think about when it works well for us...It's almost like those moments when we are telling a friend / my mom a story and trying to have them decide who's right. Usually about a little thing. Like recently we were arguing both IRL and on the podcast about whether or not my sister should give the cat outside our house water. Fundamentally, we disagree on it, it's trivial, but even on the podcast we're still arguing about it.
All can’t be right, ‘cos we are bound to see things differently, but with concrete proof we can always explain ourselves in a way that others will understand our point.
Oof this hits close to home. I experienced my own similar flavor of communication that seemed logical to me but often came across as a cannon ball through the courtyard of anyone in my line of fire. Having been on that call with you I felt it in real time. I wanted to fist pump and rally behind you (we'll have to check the recording, I probably did fist pump). Siege the castle, storm the walls. This woman speaks the truth!
But as you put here so well, you want to be strong, you want to grow, and as you continue to craft those invitations to curiosity, rather than cannonade, I see you then becoming liberated from that semblance of control. I saw a lot of myself in this piece. I'm rooting for you. And I hope it doesn't just feel really good, but great.
Oh my gosh, Steven. This message touched my heart so much. Our similar communication style might be why we hit it off so well last cohort. We get each other. I see you.
I love the way you've written it here. "A cannonball through the courtyard of anyone in my line of fire." LOL.
To be liberated from the semblance of control is a very exciting idea, indeed. I appreciate you. And I'm rooting for you, too.
You were right though.
Not everyone was correct.
Haha. AND I don't have to be so abrasive.
So good Charlie!
I once heard a comedian on a podcast say, “the real addiction is control” and I always think about that. Reading your essay reminds me of exactly that, and something I can understand as someone who I’m pretty sure has “control” in my genes. But I also used to practice a lot of “idiot compassion” which I think is the opposite of what you’re talking about and something that never seems to actually help anyone. All that to say I enjoyed this essay and as someone who’s been in your classes, I appreciate the bluntness and honesty because it’s always made me a better writer!
Thanks, Michelle. How do you handle the control piece when it comes to podcasting? Sometimes I make myself crazy the way I practice what I'm going to say in my head before we start recording, because I want to control every single thing.
With podcasting, I feel like I've come to accept that the conversation is going to go in the direction that it goes. My big lessons to learn with podcasting + control:
1. "yes and..." my sister and I tried to learn a little about improv so that we could lean into the flow of the conversation instead of trying to control it. Sometimes on long drives we would practice which is kind of dorky but I think it helped.
2. The bigger issue was trying to control my sister - I would sometimes "produce" during the recording which would then kill the mood for both of us and I think you could hear it in the podcast. Again with the "yes and-ing".
Not exactly the same issue, but that's where my intersection of control and podcasting came through haha.
That's so cool that you practiced! I just listened to a really interesting podcast about podcasting... here's the link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/eric-nuzum-a-workshop-on-how-to-podcast/id1662094664?i=1000599809326.
This guy said something like, there should be some type of conflict/disagreement with two hosts. Like, you SHOULDN'T agree with everything the other person is saying. I would love to hear your thoughts about it. I know you've been at this for a while ( I listened to your 100th episode, congrats by the way!).
Thank you for listening 😍
This is podcast is so well timed for me! I need to listen. We actually are a little too agreeable and are trying to disagree more often haha. Not just a feeling, we've been advised to do this.
We don't always agree in real life, but a lot of times by the time we record, we are on the same page about the topic. It's funny, we added a "community time" at the end, and we tend to argue more then, I think partially because it feels casual and more like a throwaway part of the episode, so we're ironically more relaxed. I think our gateway is disagreeing with a content, ideology or some external thing first. We're still sensitive artists haha, gotta prioritize that first 🥹
l feel the same way about me and my husband! We record together for our podcast, and by the time we record we're totally on the same page. We sometimes talk about an argument we had, so we reflect on the disagreement. But we are also now trying to find more ways to have more friction.
That makes me feel better! I'm trying to think about when it works well for us...It's almost like those moments when we are telling a friend / my mom a story and trying to have them decide who's right. Usually about a little thing. Like recently we were arguing both IRL and on the podcast about whether or not my sister should give the cat outside our house water. Fundamentally, we disagree on it, it's trivial, but even on the podcast we're still arguing about it.
All can’t be right, ‘cos we are bound to see things differently, but with concrete proof we can always explain ourselves in a way that others will understand our point.
Bleecker. Bleecks. My spirit animal.
Oof this hits close to home. I experienced my own similar flavor of communication that seemed logical to me but often came across as a cannon ball through the courtyard of anyone in my line of fire. Having been on that call with you I felt it in real time. I wanted to fist pump and rally behind you (we'll have to check the recording, I probably did fist pump). Siege the castle, storm the walls. This woman speaks the truth!
But as you put here so well, you want to be strong, you want to grow, and as you continue to craft those invitations to curiosity, rather than cannonade, I see you then becoming liberated from that semblance of control. I saw a lot of myself in this piece. I'm rooting for you. And I hope it doesn't just feel really good, but great.
Oh my gosh, Steven. This message touched my heart so much. Our similar communication style might be why we hit it off so well last cohort. We get each other. I see you.
I love the way you've written it here. "A cannonball through the courtyard of anyone in my line of fire." LOL.
To be liberated from the semblance of control is a very exciting idea, indeed. I appreciate you. And I'm rooting for you, too.