I’ve cried far too many times today because no one properly explained how to do life either. And then I cried again reading this because I just wanted to sit with you on a metaphorical carpet and give you a hug and then probably give you a “you got this” high five before we go back to doing the things we don’t know how to do. Sending love
Parenting is such a conundrum. Always counting down the hours until you have help, then counting the hours until you can see them again. Deeply related to this essay.
I love how Glennon Doyle describes it in Love Warrior:
"How was my day? It was a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I was both lonely and never alone. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed. I was saturated with touch—desperate to get the baby off of me and the second I put her down I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. This day required more than I'm physically and emotionally capable of, while requiring nothing from my brain. I had thoughts today, ideas, real things to say and no one to hear them."
So entirely relatable. I have two adult kids now, but those days of chaos, guilt and shame remain etched, nay chiseled, onto and into my mind. Once there was a poo-hurricane. One time the youngest vomited INTO my arms and I caught it all and somehow managed to get him and the vomit into the bathroom to the tub without leaking any of it onto the floor. And where was Chris? :) I laugh of course because he has the same type of stories to tell me, save the ones where he was out of the country and there were tornadoes.
It's so so hard. You are fit to be a parent. No one is. We all can be? The isolation is what gets you, really. It's good to share these words and memories because it truly does help others, even if in retrospect.
Chaos, guilt, and shame... you nailed it, Julie. I don't even want to know what a poo hurricane is.
Thank you for the kind words. It's so true about the isolation. Sometimes all I want is an adult around, just to talk to and be there while it's all happening.
Oh damm! I feel so anxious. I am going to star-mark this email and read it every time another cute baby video pops up on my Instagram or YouTube feed and makes me want one. :D
Actually, I’m waiting for my 10th plane of September to take off.
I shared this issue to my wife that I think relates a lot with what you wrote.
So, thanks for sharing a perspective that it is hard for me to live with all my movement. We both are parents, but I am the one that supports all the “why are you going away also today, dad?”. It’s heart breaking every day, but I am the one who’s missing.
My wife, on the contrarian!p, is the one, beloved, who stays. But takes all the down of the absence, and not only when they are not at school, but all the conflicts, all the chewed straws, all the discussion for the snow white vs. Sleepy cups, etc.
I myself am not a mother and felt tired just reading this. LOL When he asked for a hug, I felt a little "aww" ping in my heart. I knew I never wanted kids from an early age so props to all you mommy and daddies at out there doin' your thang.
Thank you, Alex. I'm not even sure the number of kids matters as much as their temperaments.
Also, this feels like a small point but I had asked our nanny on WEDNESDAY if she could come over earlier on Saturday. And she didn't tell me until Saturday at 11am that she couldn't come over at 2pm because she was hungover. .... 2pm.
I’ve cried far too many times today because no one properly explained how to do life either. And then I cried again reading this because I just wanted to sit with you on a metaphorical carpet and give you a hug and then probably give you a “you got this” high five before we go back to doing the things we don’t know how to do. Sending love
Lol Haley!! Why isn't anyone explaining life to us better?! Sending love to you, too. YOU GOT THIS.
+1 & do you guys want to start a "no one ever accurately explained how to do life to me" club?
IN
Parenting is such a conundrum. Always counting down the hours until you have help, then counting the hours until you can see them again. Deeply related to this essay.
I love how Glennon Doyle describes it in Love Warrior:
"How was my day? It was a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I was both lonely and never alone. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed. I was saturated with touch—desperate to get the baby off of me and the second I put her down I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. This day required more than I'm physically and emotionally capable of, while requiring nothing from my brain. I had thoughts today, ideas, real things to say and no one to hear them."
Holy shit. I’ve never read that before. Wow, sharing with every mother I know. Damn.
Right?!
So entirely relatable. I have two adult kids now, but those days of chaos, guilt and shame remain etched, nay chiseled, onto and into my mind. Once there was a poo-hurricane. One time the youngest vomited INTO my arms and I caught it all and somehow managed to get him and the vomit into the bathroom to the tub without leaking any of it onto the floor. And where was Chris? :) I laugh of course because he has the same type of stories to tell me, save the ones where he was out of the country and there were tornadoes.
It's so so hard. You are fit to be a parent. No one is. We all can be? The isolation is what gets you, really. It's good to share these words and memories because it truly does help others, even if in retrospect.
Chaos, guilt, and shame... you nailed it, Julie. I don't even want to know what a poo hurricane is.
Thank you for the kind words. It's so true about the isolation. Sometimes all I want is an adult around, just to talk to and be there while it's all happening.
No doubt! I started blogging after I had kids and I think those commenters/posters were my adults at the time!
In solidarity, I attempted a thoughtful comment on this piece but had to abandon the effort as my son began forcefully requesting, Dada.
🫡
Haha Steven, I appreciate you and I am with you!
Oh damm! I feel so anxious. I am going to star-mark this email and read it every time another cute baby video pops up on my Instagram or YouTube feed and makes me want one. :D
Well they are very cute, too!! I just don't write about the cute stuff because it's not as interesting. :)
Let’s pretend I am Sam.
Actually, I’m waiting for my 10th plane of September to take off.
I shared this issue to my wife that I think relates a lot with what you wrote.
So, thanks for sharing a perspective that it is hard for me to live with all my movement. We both are parents, but I am the one that supports all the “why are you going away also today, dad?”. It’s heart breaking every day, but I am the one who’s missing.
My wife, on the contrarian!p, is the one, beloved, who stays. But takes all the down of the absence, and not only when they are not at school, but all the conflicts, all the chewed straws, all the discussion for the snow white vs. Sleepy cups, etc.
Thanks for sharing.
Today I will be back, but they will be asleep.
Thank you for sharing Matteo, I'm sure it's equally hard to be away!
How is it that these tiny beings send us all the way to the edges of ourselves?
Ugh, that's it, Rick. Completely to the edge, until we break and grow.
I myself am not a mother and felt tired just reading this. LOL When he asked for a hug, I felt a little "aww" ping in my heart. I knew I never wanted kids from an early age so props to all you mommy and daddies at out there doin' your thang.
I know Ororo! Completely, utterly, "Aww!!"
Indeed you’re a good parent.Who says no should give his/her own bit of experience.
Thanks so much for shedding the light on what parenting is like.At least, this gives a lesson to someone getting ready to be one.
To me,it’s a preparatory clue.Thumbs up!👍
Thank you, Olufunmi!
sweet lord i relate so so so hard to all of this especially asking the babysitter to come earlier and then feeling awful for doing that
idk if its helpful but lemme just ssay IT IS HARD and i onnly have one I cannot imagine two
Thank you, Alex. I'm not even sure the number of kids matters as much as their temperaments.
Also, this feels like a small point but I had asked our nanny on WEDNESDAY if she could come over earlier on Saturday. And she didn't tell me until Saturday at 11am that she couldn't come over at 2pm because she was hungover. .... 2pm.